Monthly Archives: June 2013

Jun24

Happiness As An Inside Job…What Does That Mean?

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Years ago, during a time of profound growth and self-discovery I would read every self-help book under the sun, take seminars and study people who inspired me.  Each and every teacher that I have met along the way all told me that happiness is an inside job. I found it easier to pretend like I knew what the hell that meant, but in reality I had no clue.

However, one day in particular would be the start of my search for happiness. After years of being so uncomfortable with myself and who I was I decided I am going to get happy! I was thrilled with the idea. I figured how hard could it be. So this particular day I got happy… I got my nails done; get my hair cut, bought a ton of make-up, and a new outfit. I couldn’t believe how happy I was feeling and how easy it was.

I even remember coming home to my brother telling him just how great I felt. This feeling however did not last long. Within an hour or so I was right back to where I started sad, disconnected and unfulfilled. I was so disappointed and astounded that this did not work. I mean this is what we taught that you can buy yourself happy! Not in my case, I felt a big fat void.

Than it hit me, and yes it was an A-HA moment. That all this “stuff” means noting to me and I no longer found value in things. I was trying to band-aide my pain through artificial happiness. For years this seemed to have worked for me. However, I was desperately trying to find myself. I was evolving and the things that once worked for me no longer served a purpose.

Turns out that these things that were going to bring my happiness was just a catalyst for me to find what true happiness meant. I finally understood that happiness is from within. You can’t get it from anyone or anything else.

Little by little I began to chip away the layers of doubt and uncertainty that were no longer serving me. This was not easy and still takes alot of work. But each day I see that flicker inside of me grow stronger, because I am finally honoring who I really am and who I want to become. 

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